September 1997

This is an open letter to Mr. Bob Kraft.

Dear Mr. Kraft:

I would like to save you and your fans a lot of time, effort, and perspiration by offering you an easy solution to your future home problems.

First, forget Rhode Island. The state is too small, and no one will find the stadium, no matter where you build it. Can you imagine an entire state tied up in a traffic jam on game day? They'll have to declare it a disaster area just to clear up all the bottle necks heading to and from the facility! Foxboro is nice, but you'll never convince the local pols to come up with the needed funds necessary to either renovate the existing place, or build a new one. What you have to do is scare them into thinking you are moving, (remember how the Fleet Center was built!), but really; you won't have to go too far from your existing location. In fact, how about a few miles from the most ideal location in Boston? Its part of an idea that was floated in the past, and now seems like the perfect time to suggest it again.

How does the Revere Patriots sound?

With apologies to the local high school team, (ok, who is going to change their name first?), we have the extra added bonus of already having enough land and existing facilities to cut out all the talk and nonsense about dollars and sense, er...rather, cents. To offer a pun, we can revolutionize the Pats the minute they come here.

Think of it!

Take your pick, Mr. Kraft. The stadium on Broadway is a nice little location. There is a sub shop on every corner nearby, and can you imagine the joy of finding parking spaces for 60,000 fans where that is already at a premium! Too congested? Well, how about becoming a flag football team, and play all your games on a the sandy field of Revere Beach? Don't forget your sun block! So, you need something a little bit bigger than that? It seems like ages ago that a proposal to build a stadium at Suffolk Downs was introduced. Now, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea. You have the benefit of staying in Massachusetts, and satisfying the majority of people who support you, in and around Boston. Don't even bother doing any fancy renovations: put the hash marks down right on the track, set up the goal posts, and print the tickets. Either that, or just go down to Wonderland and push the puppies aside.

Its a pretty good offer, don't you think, Mr. Kraft? Much better than whatever comes second, and thats spelled: R-H-O-D-E I-S-L-A-N-D. Either way, you don't have much time to make up your mind. Parading around town should mean the Boston area, and not in the smallest state in the country. Even an idea as farfetched as playing in Revere is easier to take than moving the team out of Massachusetts entirely.

That would be the biggest April Fool's joke of all.